hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize