Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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