I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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