well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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