i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
