aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
