I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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