i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
