maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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