so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
