How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
