please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize