2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
