All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
