His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
