i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
