i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
