Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
