apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
