Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
