you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
