STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
