I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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