I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
