WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
