): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
