I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
