You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
