Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
