Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
