I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize