...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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