I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
