I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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