we're blogging at a bar
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
