Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
