he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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