i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
