I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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