I never want to see another naked old woman again.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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