i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Randomize
