Come see our sink grown plant.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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