he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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