dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
