Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
