dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize