Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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