Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
