He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
