Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
