I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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