i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
