my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Oh god it's open bar.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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