Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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