i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
