i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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