Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
