It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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