I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You ruined the universe
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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