you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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