Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
