She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize