I wish my penis had an off switch
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I am naked and annoyed.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
