I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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