I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
i think i just lost a toe
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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