youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You made out with two different species that night
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
