i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
